By Nyanzi Martin Luther
One of the issues that should worry parents today is the increasing concern about fondling among students in secondary schools.
Some learners engage in intimate touching with their fellow students and, when caught, end up facing suspension or expulsion.
But before we blame the schools for failing to control their students, we need to look at the role parents play in raising these children.
Many students begin developing feelings for the opposite sex during adolescence.
A learner in Senior Two, for example, may start experiencing feelings that were unfamiliar a year earlier.
They become curious about relationships, and some begin experimenting with physical intimacy.
The question is whether they have anyone at home explaining these changes and helping them understand the boundaries they should respect.
Unfortunately, some parents leave this responsibility to teachers. They take their children to school, pay the fees and expect the school to handle almost everything, including their morals.
When a child misbehaves, the school is blamed for failing to discipline them. Yet the same child spends much of their life outside the school environment.
How do you expect a school to completely teach your child morals when that child stays there for only eight hours? Teachers have lessons to conduct, examinations to prepare and hundreds of students to attend to. They cannot follow every learner throughout the day, nor can they replace the guidance a child should receive from a parent.
Parents need to understand that raising a child is not simply about providing school fees, food and clothing. Children also need conversations about behaviour, relationships, respect and the consequences of their decisions. These discussions should start at home, long before a child gets into trouble.
When parents avoid talking about adolescence and relationships, children often turn to their friends for answers. The difficulty is that those friends may have little experience themselves. They can end up learning from one another, sometimes encouraging behaviour that puts their education at risk.
Another concern is the attitude of some learners who think they are already adults and know everything. They disregard advice from teachers and parents, believing they are mature enough to make their own decisions.
Some treat school rules as if they do not apply to them. It is only when disciplinary action is taken that they begin to understand the seriousness of their behaviour.
Fondling should not be dismissed as a small matter, especially when it involves pressure or touching without consent. Students must understand that being in a relationship does not give anyone the right to cross another person’s boundaries.
They should also recognise that school is primarily a place for learning, and their actions can affect their future.
Suspension and expulsion are among the consequences learners may face when they violate school rules.
Once a student loses time in class, catching up may become difficult.
Expulsion can be even more disruptive, forcing the learner to look for another school and adjust to a new environment. These are serious consequences that parents should want to prevent.
This does not mean schools should ignore misconduct.
Teachers and administrators must maintain discipline and provide guidance where necessary.
But they cannot do the work alone. Parents should cooperate with schools and take an active role in correcting their children instead of waiting for a phone call about a disciplinary problem.
A parent should be able to talk to a child about the changes that come with growing up without making the conversation embarrassing. Children need to know that they can ask questions and seek advice at home.
Silence leaves them to figure things out on their own, and not every decision they make will be the right one.
An opportunity lost is never gained. A learner who is suspended or expelled may lose valuable time and opportunities that could have been used to build a better future. Parents should not wait until their children face such consequences before taking an interest in their behaviour.
Schools have their responsibilities, and students must be accountable for their actions. But parents must also accept that they cannot leave the entire burden of raising their children to teachers.
If we want to address fondling in schools, we must begin at home.
Parents need to guide their children, schools need to enforce their rules, and learners need to understand that growing up does not mean knowing everything.
A child may spend eight hours at school, but the responsibility of parenting lasts far beyond the school day.
